"...for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax my hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]"
~ Hebrews 13:5b
"But I trusted in, relied on, and was confident in You, O Lord; I said You are my God. My times are in Your hands..."
Funny how parenting is always just on the edge of this great precipice of the unknown. "Never been here before, hope I am doing this right." "Wow, look what's happening, didn't know it would be this way." "Oh, how I wish I could go back and have more time to teach him/her more about THIS or THAT."
For the most part, I am very thrilled and happy with the people who live in my house, and the amazing almost-adults they are becoming. Of course, I find things to worry about. Things like character flaws I know they learned from me, and I wish I could change. Now I worry about teaching them to deal with those flaws in themselves...do I have enough time before they leave?
There's another side to this experience if parenting almost-adults, too. It happens when you see them getting ready to leave... You can see things falling into place. They are looking at careers, or schools... they are being prepared for the future husband or wife... It's an exciting thing to watch events unfold, and wonder where things are leading.
Funny feeling. Fear and joy. Anticipation and dread. This season of change used to be about what it's like to be graduating high-school and leaving home with your whole future ahead of you. I remember what that was like when I was 18 or 19. Now, from the parent's perspective it's totally different. Watching, wondering, what will her/his future be like? Where will she/he go? What will she/he do for a living? What will my son-in-law, or daughter-in-law be like? What if she (my daughter) marries him, what if he (my son) marries her?
Then I am reminded that there is a Master Plan, planned by the Master who loves me, and my children. His attention to detail is unbelievable! I just need to keep praying that He doesn't let me interfere with the plan. I so want to watch Him work wonders in the lives of my children, without messing things up. I am still anxious and excited to see what God is doing...but determined to point my children toward Him (again), and not allow my limited perspective to influence their decisions. I want to influence them toward that Master Plan, more than anything else.
And then there's the peace that comes from absolute trust in a God that will never fail me, or let me down.
I am profoundly grateful.